Slow movement forward

DW's hysteroscopy went... well... not exactly as expected.  She has a rather large fibroid on the back wall of her uterus, right where the nice little embryos like to implant the most often.

So.  Now there's surgery in our future.

Picking the donor, however, has proved to be that much more hysterical than I could have ever imagined.  It's just SO funny.  Also, we're so un-picky that we are overwhelmed with choices.  Do we pick a donor with blue eyes?  Do we pick one who is Chinese and have one kid that is 3/4 Chinese and the other 1/2 (and then include a good dosing of Asian culture in their upbringing, which I think they'll get anyways, irregardless of their DNA origins).

I have an interesting view on our choice of possibly using an Asian donor.  DW is 1/2 Chinese, I am not.  I feel that if we choose this route, we have a responsibility to ensure that they are well immersed in their ethnic origins, despite the fact that their donor is American (the Canadian sperm bank sucks.  No, seriously.  It's terrible) and most of the American Chinese donors have barely a trace of an accent.  Our kids will be Canadian, and living on the west coast, that Canadian identity isn't really based on the amount of melatonin in your skin or the shape of your eyes.  I'm enjoying the project of deconstructing what I *think* is important to a child's racial identity, despite the fact that I have no ability to ask our kids about this.

The blue eyed donor choice is simply that we figure both of us carry a recessive blue eyed gene, and that it would be a fun game to try to "customize" our kids.

Oohhhh the customizing of children, that's another blog post entirely...

More prepping

So DW had her HSG, in which all looks well except for a tiny blip on the side of her uterus.  Now she gets to go for a hysteroscopy, in which they will thread a camera into her uterus to look at it.

We rebooked our donor orientation as there was too much going on that day, it's next week!  And then we have to pick a donor and figure out how we're going to pay for sperm.  Huzzah!

I'm so much more apprehensive this time around, last year we were full of hope and ambition and being confident that I would be holding a baby by this time instead of still struggling through this.  I suppose it's because forking out $1K/month to do this is a bit terrifying.  I suppose also that it's because I'm just used to disappointment.  If this doesn't work, it's going to be so much more disappointing.  We're giving this one shot, and then throwing in the towel for a couple of months and taking a looonngg break, which makes me really really sad.  But such is life.